I’m wondering if I am the only one who finds the saying a bit ridiculous.  The only one who finds it, I don’t know, joke-y.  Surely some comedian somewhere has touched on this.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Um.  Let me tell ‘ya: Never have I ever woke up a day in my life saying, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? I s-u-c-k.”  I’m thinking this mantra is probably one of the quickest paths to institutionalization (read as: a straight jacket).

Have you ever heard someone who’s looking for a job say, “I really hope I’m too damn awesome for this position (considering that I’ve been unemployed for a year and a half, and I have three mouths to feed)?

Have you ever heard a guy who can’t always ‘perform’ say, “Good thing this is looking like a night for erectile dysfunction because I’d sure hate to impress this woman”?

How about President Obama saying, “I need to come up with a craptastic plan as a mediocre fix for the economy and healthcare because, damn it, I’d hate to go down in history as a president who not only avoided what appeared to be eminent disaster for the United States but moved the country to the forefront of the world in a way it had never been before.”

Ser-i-ous-ly.  Have you heard any such thing?

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other

people won’t feel insecure around you.

Yes, Marianne Williamson, you’re right.  But how many people intentionally shrink themselves for the sake of others? (Our egos? They’re too big, too wide.  We won’t fear.  Won’t hide.*)  Or rather, who does this type of shrinking without a plan in place that directly benefits them? (We’re all familiar with people who “play dumb” all the way to the bank and to some version of happiness.)

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

Again, I agree.  So how it is that my biggest fear is not that I’m inadequate? Not good enough to shine? Not good enough to help others do the same?

I take every day minute as opportunity to improve so that I can be justified in saying that I am brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous.  I don’t want to run around saying that these things are inherent to my being if I’m not doing anything to avoid being ‘inadequate.’  I certainly don’t ever want to believe that feeling inadequate–for myself and those to whom I owe my best–is something I don’t need to concern myself with.  Something that shouldn’t be a great fear.

Does anyone else think that M.W. had a point here that just wasn’t articulated in the best possible way?

* lyric edit/play on “Ego,” Beyonce | somewhat of a inside joke

Extended response to Kristan’s guest post in The Solitary Panda – The Ways We Are series.

I’m not mixed, but I’ve dealt with people thinking that I had some kind of split identity.  Apparently, I was too intelligent, eloquent, and quirky for a black girl in the type of area I grew up in, so I was basically deemed an ‘Oreo.’  I never had any questions or qualms about who I was in terms of cultural or racial background; that would have been silly.  And I never made a choice to be a chameleon (or a ‘code-switcher’) either.  I’ve always been able to be a part of any group I truly wanted to be.  I’ve always thought people were supposed to have multifaceted personalities and be able to blend in or stand out when they wanted without losing any bit of who they are.  I still believe this.

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I started writing poems, stories, and articles when I was eight, but I didn’t think of it as something to do as a job (or the more fru-fru word, ‘career’) until junior high school.  Before then, I wanted to be a singer and an artist (drawing/painting).  At one point, in a communications class in which we did a mock trial, a teacher said I’d make a good lawyer, so I considered that.  Then in high school, my English teacher told the entire class that she “felt sorry for anyone’s paper that came after mine” in her grading stack because mine was sure to be a 4 out of 4 or a 9 out of 9.  I was embarrassed and wondered if a really scathing rumor about me would emerge or if high school seniors were beyond putting gum in your hair.  Alternatively, my friends and other classmates who I had no affinity (or dislike) for whatsoever alike agreed with her about my writing…and they told me so.  I want to say it was a light bulb or Oprah-style a-ha moment, but it wasn’t then.  Only retrospectively.  And only after similar situations happened in college.

Speaking of college, there I tapped into print graphic design and acting and momentarily considered going into a “real field” like Kristan mentioned.  I could so be a psychologist.  I soooo could. Here are a few things I learned at Emory: (1) I’m so all over the map, there should be a city named after me in every one of the united states and one in at least every other country. (2) I want to do a bit of everything.  (3) That’s not the bad thing people make it out to be.

As it turns out, I can sorta carry a tune, but I’m not even a distant cousin of  Whitney Houston in her prime–which is who I wanted to be.  I can’t draw–period.  Graphic design is a lot of fun, but re-read what I just told you in the last sentence.  Hand illustration beyond lettering, which is quite popular, will never be my thing.  I love getting into the minds of others, analyzing motivation, action, and personal history and giving…suggestions.  Maybe I could go into psychology.  ETA: Or be that lawyer one or two people thought I could be.  After all, everything I just mentioned that I like about psychology is part of the foundation of being a lawyer.  And I can be quite the smooth talker. But being a smooth writer (of poetry and essays) is what makes me happiest, with performing on stage coming in as a close second.  These are my passions, and I’m pursuing them because I never want to ‘work’ a day in my life.

This is the beginning of my makeunder.  While the vision board is a popular thing to do, the full concept of a ‘makeunder’ is from Jess Constable over at makeundermylife.

[1] Create a vision & [3] Identify intentions:

I’ve combined steps 1 and 3 so that my intentions (my ‘agenda’) can be a running list on my vision/inspiration board wall.

I’m in the process of listing out my intentions for 2010.  Most are career-oriented and there will be more posts about them here on dto and on Figuratively.  (Once I get down what it is that I want to do this year, I intend to expand out to a four to five-year plan like the one I mapped out four to five years ago.  Yes, back to planning.  I know )

The vision board centers around how I want to feel and what I want to do:

The sticky, round letters are having issues that I’ll have to fix, but the gist here is that once I’ve met my goals–completed my agenda–I’ll feel confident, accomplished, respected, NOT anxious, comfortable, loved, without worry, healthy, grateful, and most importantly, happy.

I’m in the process of completing this section.  It will have key words like “bestsellers list,” “Pulitzer,” “classic,” and “the artistic life.”

I’ve also included a “Survival Guide” of things to remember and a section of things to repeat when everything isn’t going well or as planned:

There’s a section of some of the things that make me happy:

Among many other things, I love: dogs (obviously), the Lakers, Disney, writing and music.  The latter two are combined into one cool image of a clarinet ink pen–the logo for a company that promotes education through music.

^ Om mani padme hum.

And, of course, a section of my ultimate material wants (which, in essence, contradicts the context and goal of the previous photo…I’m a work-in-progress to the nth degree, folks):

One of the things I am really looking forward to in life is the opportunity to go hardcore-interior-design-crazy in a house of my own.

I’ll need a quality, punchy wardrobe with color, drama, and an underscoring of Ralph Lauren simplicity.

I plan to move to NYC to stay a while, but eventually I’ll be off to a country location where I can drive my Jag convertible and let the wind play with my hair.

Things will be added to this wall constantly, starting with some of my favorite images:

Those that remind me of where I’ve been, what I’ve done, what I’m going to do, and who I’m doing it all for.

Detoxing is a tough thing to do.  (And this is aside from withdrawals.)

I originally intended to step away from the Internet and the computer for a week–February 1 – 7–in addition to taking up a healthier diet for the seven days.  I had decided that I wasn’t accomplishing anything substantial in all the time that I spend online…that my website isn’t what I want it to be (and that I’m tired of “considering improvements”)…that I’m not making connections with other web addicts folks on the net like I used to…that reading a plethora of web mags, blogs, and literary journals instead of at least trying to write for some of them is foolish and a waste of talent/education/skill/whatever.

The list could go on forever.

Yesterday, I realized that my Type-A, must-be-busy personality was not going to let me do this.  While I will be eating well this week–I only bought good things at the grocery store, so I’m stuck with it unless I just can’t pry my hands away from the phone and the Hong Kong Super Buffet delivery menu by Wednesday–I’ll still be on the PC for a fair amount of time this week.  For work. (My job requires me to be online.)  To check emails.  To read blogs.  To do a lot of the usual.

But I’ve made some choices (and subsequent realizations).  This website, this blog, will be okay without me constantly tweaking it.  I’ve been far too focused on “What’s wrong with it?”  Like I don’t know content is king queen.  On this blog, I should be posting material that documents my life–entries that I can look back on in a few (or several) years from now and understand how I’ve grown like I do with blog entries I wrote in 2005 and 2006.  And on Figuratively, I should be writing to further my career in the lit world.  Whatever that means.  I haven’t entirely figured that one out.

I won’t be checking every blog that I have bookmarked.  Only the favorites.  Only the people I’ve been able to thoroughly enjoy, connect with, and/or relate to in some way: Those Girls Are Wild, bloggers I found through 20sb, great writers’ blogs like Tayari’s, etc.  In fact, I’ll probably delete a lot of my bookmarked sites this week.

My goal for this seven days is never to find myself piddling away time.  I intend to replace the excess time I spend “surfing the web” with time for writing/revising poems and submitting them.  I’m revamping my portfolios to submit for freelance opps.  I’m finishing my vision board wall, and I’m tapping into doing the basic things I need to do to start living the way I truly want to.

I used to paint my nails regularly in junior high and high school, but I didn’t seem to “have the time” in college.  I don’t think  anyone who knew me during undergrad knew the girly-girl me.  I’m kinda back to it now.  I painted my nails Hot for Chocolate (by Revlon) yesterday.  Love and recommend it!

“Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction.”

- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, French writer and aviator

What’s even funnier to me is that I still have these moments while working from home.  …just really mouthing off in my head (or out loud to the computer) at people who are getting on my last nerve with their craptastic attitudes and bad writing to boot.  I so need the live rap performance bleep.

But an IV drip of a drug to keep my blood pressure from going up in these moments will do.

Currently, I’m on step one (and I’m doing step three at the same time).  I’m creating an inspiration/vision board.  I did this once in high school, and I made smaller versions last year.  Here’s the work I’ve done so far this time around:

So I’ve cut things out of magazines and papers.

…and assembled my art supplies.  I love a good craft project.

I’ve also put kraft paper (like the stuff brown paper grocery bags are made of) on one of my bedroom walls.  That’s where I’ll be posting everything.

I’ll keep y’all updated on the progress in a series of posts.  I encourage you to give it a go, too!

(Click here to watch Andrea and Shannon’s video.)

I love feedback, so hit me with it.  Did I do okay or should I never embarrass myself in such a way again? lol Answer the questions in the comments here or make your own video response.

If she was still alive, she’d be 89 today.

(My mom and cousin would be less than thrilled if they knew this was on here.)

I miss you, Granny.

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Note: Regular posts (including my response to the TGAW blog tour)–ones that were not pre-scheduled like the one below–will resume Sunday.